teacher: walter, why don't you wash your face? i can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
walter: what was it?
walter: wrong. that was yesterday.
ma: pa, i don't think the neighbors like the new drum we got johnny for christmas.
pa: why not?
ma: they gave him a knife and asked him if he knew what was in the drum.
at a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater(母校，校歌) . one of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.
i sure was! answered the host. he's the biggest jerk i've ever met. did you know him too?
sort of, replied the guest. my mother married him last saturday.
a woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch(门廊).
i couldn't help noticing how happy you look, she says. what's your secret for a long, happy life?
i smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.
wow, that's amazing, says the woman. how old are you?